Episode 09: My Reads for 2021

In this episode of the podcast, I discuss the books I read in 2021, including Barack Obama's "A Promised Land," Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ "Professional Troublemaker," and "What Happened to You?" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. I also take time to celebrate getting to my tenth recorded episode, and share my hopes for its future.

Amaka (00:00:14) - Hey guys. Welcome back to the podcast The Bibliotherapy for Black Women podcast. I'm your host Amaka. It is a Sunday when I am recording, we are, almost halfway through December at this point and it's morning, I'm in my usual setup at my desk looking at my window. Just woke up maybe like 15 minutes ago. So I just put on my sweatshirt and set up my desk and I was like, okay, we're ready, let's do this. So how did my week go? My week was actually pretty chill, had some rescheduling in terms of work, so I had more personal time. I did a little bit more reading. Got to be honest, I've been slacking on my reading a little bit. So we're getting back on that horse. and you know, the days are getting shorter. I am struggling a little bit with that because it's like it's dark at 430 and And I just am working on recalibrating my body with that because it can really affect you mentally. Like if there are folks out there that are struggling with daylight savings, like I am right there with you, I don't even personally get why we do it, but I digress.

Amaka (00:02:07) - so outside of last week being, you know, kind of calm and quiet, I, I, I realized I was finding myself in more moments than usual where I had to offer myself some more self-compassion. And when I say that, I mean that, you know, my apartment was not in the best shape, you know, and it was a little bit harder for me to keep up with chores and, and things like that. And in my mind, this was this was like the week prior. And I was like, you know, what's what's going on, what's going on with me? I was really trying to turn inward and see if I can figure this out. Like, I would feel a little less motivated. You know, I didn't really want to cook as much, and I was just feeling a little less motivated overall. And, you know, I've really worked up until this point to not beat myself up if I don't meet my expectations. Like, I was really sitting. And I was like, you know what's going on? And I, I feel like the whole change with the seasons, the day getting shorter, you know, it getting a little bit colder.

Amaka (00:03:48) - And you know, the transition from fall to winter. Fall is my favorite season. I think I've said that on the podcast. It's not fun for me, and I think maybe my body was going through the transition, but I wasn't completely aware. So, you know, like I said, in the past, kind of falling off a little bit, I would really get on myself and, you know, get down on myself and be hard on myself. Like, what is wrong with you? Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing that? But now, like I said, I thankfully I have worked on my level of self-awareness and I am more so like, hey girl, what's going on here? You know, this isn't what we usually do. This isn't the level that we usually operate because, you know, there's something going on like, let's sit down and and think about it. And I didn't really take into consideration up until that point that perhaps just the transition of the seasons was affecting me.

Amaka (00:05:08) - So I was like, okay, you know, you have to give yourself grace. So I just resolved to do a little bit better. I'm one of those folks who like when I'm cooking lunch. I will use everything. And then the sink will be, you know, populated with serving spoons and plates and things that I use to cook. So that was last week. And then I would not, wash the things after or whatever, and I didn't like that. So this week I was a little bit better about, you know, as I'm cooking, I'm cleaning, you know, and, I found that once I was done with making my meal, the sink was empty because I was, you know, washing things and putting them away as my food was cooking. And it felt really good. So that's just like one thing. That was one thing that I was struggling with last week. and I felt, I don't know, the upkeep of my apartment was weighing on me a little bit, like it wasn't in complete disarray.

Amaka (00:06:18) - But in terms of my general level of upkeep, I wasn't meeting it. So, yeah, I feel like I'm definitely turning a corner. This week was a little bit better. I was reading a little bit more keeping up with, you know. my apartment did not feel so hard. So, you know, ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. You just have to kind of ride the wave and not beat yourself up while you're going through things, sit down and kind of think, you know, why is this happening? Because on a typical day, you're fine. So if it's not going that way, there's very likely a reason why. And I've gotten to the point where I don't beat myself up. I kind of just turn inward and and ask myself what's going on? And I sit and think for a little while. So, you know, if anyone out there is struggling. If they find that they're not, they haven't been able to kind of keep up with their daily life as well as they usually do.

Amaka (00:07:26) - You know, consider maybe it's the change of seasons, you know, maybe it's having less sunlight. Maybe it's the days getting colder. It can be tough around this time of the year. Maybe it's the holidays coming, you know. No. So I'm encouraging folks to instead of beating yourself up and, you know, being hard on yourself, turn inward. You know, just just sit down and and ask yourself what could be going on. And you might you might find that the answer comes to you and it becomes a little bit easier for you to extend yourself some compassion. So and so few words. That's kind of like a glimpse into my past week. Like I hadn't worked out for two weeks and I got back on that horse was this week. So I'm really excited. And you know what got me there? My back started hurting. Oh my God. Back pain is the worst. It is the worst. Like, my first real workout was a couple days, before Thanksgiving. And at the time that I'm recording, it's been almost three weeks since then.

Amaka (00:08:55) - So like, I, you know, it was just one of the things I was struggling with. And then like, I was tidying up my room and then I lifted myself up and I was like, oh, no, I need to start working out again. Because prior to Thanksgiving, I had started, strength training, and I really love it. And I saw the difference, almost right away because along with strength, like, I'll do like about a half hour and then I'll do like ten, 15 minutes of yoga. So like I'll do the lifting and then I'll do the stretching. And I was feeling really good. I generally feel my best when I'm consistently working out, so we're working on the consistency on that front. But I think my body is beating me to it because, you know, when I was a little younger, I could go like a couple months, 2 or 3 months, you know, at the, you know, the part where I wasn't working out, I can go like 2 or 3 months and I would feel okay, but now know at 32 years old, which is kind of shocking.

Amaka (00:10:15) - I'm like 32. I don't even feel like, is that young? I mean, that old. but two weeks out of not working out my back was like, you need to get back to it. And I was like, okay, okay. Because when when my back is hurting, I literally can't do anything. It's. It's tough. So I did some stretches that day to try and loosen it. You know, I showered and let the hot water run on my back so that it can help with the muscles. And then the next day I hit the workouts again and the back pain has stayed at bay. So we're going to keep it that way, because I think my body's telling me at the at this point, you can't just be, you know, living life thinking you can't work out. It just don't work like that no more. So sometimes you have to learn lessons more than once. Sometimes it takes you 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 times just being real. so yeah, wish me luck with that, because I gotta keep my body does not let me just stay idle anymore, which is good.

Amaka (00:11:33) - You know, it forces me to keep moving. I can't be sedentary for a longer period of time the way I used to, the way I could be when I was younger, I would go like long stretches, six months working on and stop for like 2 or 3 months, and I can't do that anymore. So here's to being more fit and working out a more consistent basis. So I love about me. Let's get into the books. So if you I presume you've seen the title of this episode. I'm talking about what I've read this year. altogether I've read six books and each book has given me something different. I have them in a pile next to me right here. And as I'm looking at them, like I'm remembering what time of year it was. You know what was happening in my life. And I'm recalling the lessons that I got from them. And, you know, if I just enjoyed them and and the emotions I felt while reading them, because I believe, like songs and like foods and things like that, books can represent a time in your life.

Amaka (00:12:55) - So I'm excited. I'm excited to kind of go through these one by one and, and kind of spark some memories and flip through and, and dive in. So yeah. So I'm starting with, Barack Obama's book A Promised Land. Full transparency. I started this in 2020, like late 2020, but I finished it in 2021, so I'm counting it. I finished it in February 2021. it's a dense book. It is over 700 pages, so that might give a little bit more context as to why. You know, I finished it in this year but started it last year. I'm not one to read memoirs of presidents, like the idea of that sounds boring, going to be honest. But you know, there's an appeal. There was an appeal of him being the first black president. And as I've gotten older, I've gotten more interested in the nuances of politics. You know how it works. And I was really interested to see how politics was working while he was president. So I enjoyed this book.

Amaka (00:14:21) - I enjoyed it, you know, it took me a couple months to get through because I was in school and I was reading it while I was in school. But he and, you know, it's his memoir, so everything is from his perspective. But I feel like he did a good job letting the reader in to what it's like to be president and what it's like to be a black president when he was president, when he first was elected in 2008. You know, I remember where I was. I was a sophomore in college at the time. I was commuting from home to school. So I remember that day. I had gotten home right before they announced that he was projected to win. So, like, you know, I was keeping up with updates on my phone while I was writing the train home. And then I got home, I rushed in. There are a couple of my family members in the den where the TV was. And we were just waiting and waiting. I believe I was standing up and then not so long after Wolf Blitzer, because, you know, he he used the guy, Wolf Blitzer projected that he would win.

Amaka (00:15:44) - And then me and whoever that were in the den just jumped up and down like we were ecstatic. Like we couldn't believe it. I was one of the folks who thought that I wouldn't see a black president in my lifetime. Like, it was so surreal. It was so surreal. I remember going to sleep and waking up and remembering and still I couldn't believe it. And it was a really happy time for me and I think for a lot of people. But, you know, the honeymoon phase ends and you remember that the person is human and he talks about that in the book. He talks about how he can see how so many people were putting their hope in him because he was new, he was fresh. He didn't look like anybody else who had ran. He got farther than literally anyone else thought he could. And, you know, everyone was drinking the Kool-Aid like so many people fell in love with him. And he was really he was becoming aware of that, and he was kind of getting a little worried because he was, you know, he was more than aware that, you know, he was human.

Amaka (00:17:04) - And he talked about how like, you know, what's going to happen when people become disillusioned of him, what's going to happen when people realize that he's human and, you know, he might not be any other president that we've seen, but he still has the limitations of any other president, like his responsibilities and his reach, his capabilities as the president don't change because he doesn't look like any of the past presidents. So he talks about his worries about that. you know, he talked about the economy and trying to, bolster its recovery with, you know, everything that happened in 2008. He talks about his trips, his relationships with other countries. He gives an example about how he was on this, like he was going to this conference. I don't know if it was a G8 summit. It's been a while. Like I said, I read this almost a year ago, so I'm just trying to recollect. He went to, I think it was a G8 summit. They were having talks, and he kind of had a feeling that there were some conversations going on around him that he wasn't privy to, and he figured out a way to kind of quote unquote, expose the folks that were icing him out, and he almost tied their hands in terms of cooperating.

Amaka (00:18:38) - I'm not doing a very good job right now describing what I'm talking about. But if you read the book, you know, because I remember reading it and I was like, oh, okay, okay. That was clever, you know, in terms of negotiations and bringing things into fruition, things that you want. The last chapter is about the last chapter is about the quest to capture Osama bin laden. And that was by far my favorite chapter. I remember reading and I was like, oh, I'm gonna probably go to sleep. But I got a point. I got to a point where I just cut it. I read well, until the wee hours of the morning just so I can finish it. It was it was a kind of like a movie esque edge of your seat type of chapter. very well-written. The whole book is very well written. The whole book is very dense. So, you know, if you're reading it, don't beat yourself up if it takes you a while. I also liked the chapters where he talks about just life in the white House.

Amaka (00:19:46) - Like just that, those mundane things. really intrigued me because, you know, you don't really get an inside look in this way often. So he talked about just like regular days in the white House, conversations with his advisors. He was very transparent about how their dynamics were. He shared what he thought about people, you know, positive or negative very much, I would say an honest take on his presidency and how he thought he did in terms of the job and how it affected his marriage and how Michelle was coping. And, you know, kind of the I don't want to say toll. It wasn't negative but like the change that it that happened, you know, with his family and adjusting to life in the white House and being the first family. He did a really good job. reading this book to also gave me insight as to why we ended up with Trump after him. I do remember him talking in the book about kind of having a hard time translating his thoughts to folks. You know, that he was talking to sometimes because his level of intelligence is, you know, Harvard, you know, Columbia.

Amaka (00:21:16) - Did he go to Harvard? I don't remember God, but, you know, he's an Ivy League grad. how his brain processes things is, is very intricate, and his way of conveying them sometimes does not translate to the average American. And he has some struggle with that, you know, and then Trump, among other things, was really able to talk to folks from an emotional place. A lot of people resonated with that and and kind of latched on to that. And that was one of the problems. It's not the main one, but it was just one of those things along with, you know, people didn't really think he could do it. And then he kind of swooped in from the back and blindsided everybody. but in terms of the role that perhaps President Obama played, Trump was kind of able to push on people's buttons emotionally. He got to people emotionally, maybe folks that were dissatisfied with the work that President Obama as the current president, was doing, folks that were dissatisfied, Dissatisfied with the way that the country, the way that they thought the country was going.

Amaka (00:22:34) - Trump really played to those weak spots, you know, and it brought him to the white House. Amongst other things, like I said, but just going based off of his book, that was one of the things that I think contributed to it. So, you know, I say all this to say it's a great memoir, in my opinion. Like, I feel like he took his time and really wanted to let the reader in as much as he could into what his life at the white House was like, what life at the white House is like, you know, apart from him, because it runs it's it's its own machine and you know, he's leading it. But it was really interesting. If you're one for memoirs, this is great. If you're one for political books, this is great. I would definitely recommend it. Yeah, the Promised land. So I'm trying not to have these like quick discussions about each book be too long because I don't want the podcast to be too long.

Amaka (00:23:45) - I'm going to try and keep it between 5 and 10 minutes. So the next book that I read was Professional Troublemaker by Levi Jones. Levy's book was the first one that I talked about on this podcast. I believe I was reading it around the time where I decided I was going to start one or the. The idea was kind of rambling. So I talk about in that episode how I'm judging you, in my opinion, was just okay. I had, you know, expectations for it and it didn't really quite meet them, going to be honest. But I, I, I think that I got more of what I wanted from professional troublemaker. Like what I, what I thought I would get from I'm Judging you. I got from her second book, and I think that just speaks to, you know, where she was in life. Nothing against her as an author, for sure. I just resonated with this one a little bit more. I resonated with her kind of looking back at her time in college.

Amaka (00:24:56) - And, you know, sometimes when you're younger, you want to beat yourself up for the decisions that you made. But she talks about kind of thinking yourself for the decisions that you made when you were younger, some of them. Because if you find yourself in a space where you are doing much better and things are going well, you know, that's the result of seeds that were planted, you know, decisions that you made when you were younger. I really resonated with that. She just appears to have grown and has taken lessons from points where, you know, she was struggling and interactions with the public that weren't so positive. She's taken lessons from that. You can just tell she talks about knowing your worth, having good people around you that support you, not being afraid to respectfully institute you know, boundaries and different areas of your life where you need them. You know, themes like this that are really that can be helpful. You know, if you're in your 20s and 30s. I connected with her writings more in this book.

Amaka (00:26:07) - And, you know, I'm looking forward to seeing what she comes out with next. And I'm looking forward to reading from where she is now and in the future. because I can see the progression, I can see the progression. I connected much, much, much more with this. Read that when her first one and you know like that's progress. That's progress. Everyone is in different areas of their life when they, you know, do these things, write books. Even me, you know, I'm sure I won't be where I am now in a year, hopefully mentally and, you know, hoping that I am in a better place. So yeah, I wouldn't this wasn't my favourite book for the year, but it was a good one. It was a good one. So next is my favourite book of the year. Next is my favourite book of the year. The next book I read was What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, resilience, and Healing by Doctor Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey.

Amaka (00:27:24) - This book changed my life. That sounds really dramatic. You know, it wasn't like I was a completely different person after I read it. It changed my life in the way that it changed the way I think about how people relate to me. And I kind of I kind of understood this before reading the book, but the way that they talk about people's trauma and cultivating their worldview, and how a lot of that informs how people interact with the world, so their interactions with you, what they do to you is not necessarily personal, so it doesn't help to take things personal. That that was life changing. That was and I'm going to talk about one of the books that I have also read this year, The Four Agreements. It has a chapter talking about don't take things personally, but it doesn't really go into. It goes into it a little bit why you shouldn't, but this book really dives deep. and explains what happens to you when you sustain trauma. You know, we think about it kind of elusive, but it's it's a physical thing that happens to the body in the mind, and it can really affect how you engage with your world, and it can affect how you build your world.

Amaka (00:29:09) - You know how you see your world, anything outside of that, your interactions are affected by that. And just this whole concept of from being a baby, how you see the world is shaped by the people around you, the places that you go, the things that you do, the images that you see, the sounds that you hear, the food that you taste like, everything. Everything. a lot of that happens in like, the most formidable years, which, you know, is when you're younger and it sets, it's sets in and it's pretty strong and it locks in to your psyche, and it's kind of hard to change. And, you know, when you, when you're, when you go through something and you sustain trauma, there is a tangible effect to your worldview. Still, you know, if I'm interacting with people, what they do has nothing to do with me. Really. It may feel like it does, but it doesn't. They're just they're just moving about in the world how they know, too.

Amaka (00:30:26) - I might be someone who reminds them of something, and then they don't take a liking to me. That's. That's not about me. You know, it might feel like it is, but it's not. I might remind them of something or someone that brings a warm memory to them, and then they engage with me. though that feels positive, it doesn't have anything to do with me. So that realization. Was big. It was big. So from the time that I finished this book, and I think I was kind of getting there too, on my own, like just realizing, you know, life, a lot of things that people do on about you. But this really, really solidified it. Like if just going about my day, if anything happens and I'm like, what was that? I don't even think about it too hard. Whereas before I would be like ruminating and replaying the scene over and over and and wondering, what did I do this? Is this my fault? But now, like, I'm just like, okay, You know, especially with folks who perhaps you're interacting with them for the first time and you don't really get the engagement or response that you think that, you know, would make sense.

Amaka (00:31:57) - It's it's not about, you know, whatever is going on with that person is not about you. It's not about you. So I would highly, highly, highly recommend reading this book or listening to it on audible however you can consume. this read because I, I really, really, really it really helped solidify some ideas for me. And, you know, just from learning from a learning perspective, it's it's great. It helps you kind of consider the trauma that maybe someone has gone through and how that could explain why they're doing what they're doing or behaving how they're behaving. it touches on kids and trauma. It's just. It's just good. It's a good book. This is my favourite. And I would recommend anybody read it again. It's called What Happened to You? Conversations on trauma, resilience and Healing by Bruce De Perry and Oprah Winfrey. it flows like a conversation. Like it has Doctor Perry, and he'll see what he has to say. And then Oprah, and she'll see what she has to say.

Amaka (00:33:21) - So it's pretty much a conversation over the span of almost 300 pages. But it's it's not dense like it flows. It flows and you don't really feel too heavy. The topics can be heavy. So like if you start it and you need a little break, don't feel bad. There are heavy topics in here, but in terms of reading it, you know, the flow of reading, I think it's pretty digestible. So yeah, I highly, highly, highly recommend. This was my favorite of 2021. Next we have You Are Your Best Thing vulnerability, shame, resilience and The Black Experience, which was edited by Tarana Burke and Brené Brown. This wasn't an anthology. This was an anthology. Oh my God. Say that three times fast. Which is a collection of essays by different authors. we have one by Levy. We have one by Tarana Burke. We have one by Laverne Cox. We we have won by Marc Lamont Hill, we have won by Austin Channing Brown, among other people.

Amaka (00:34:38) - I really loved this book. People gave their perspectives about vulnerability from the black perspective, the luxury of even feeling it sometimes, we don't get that. We don't get that. That's just my personal opinion. it can be a luxury to feel vulnerability publicly as a black person. but what I loved about this book is that people are really doing the work to heal. And you can see it in the essays. You can read it in the essays. They can be gut wrenching. They can be really sad, but they are hopeful. That's a theme that I got from this book. It's it's hopeful. People are really opening themselves up and sharing what they've struggled with and what they don't feel, what they didn't feel safe doing when they were younger, which has a lot to do with how they were raised, which has a lot to do with how their caregivers were raised. And like I said, a theme I saw in here was hope and knowing better. So wanting to do better and being the pivot point for the next generation and giving them space to be vulnerable and to share their feelings and to not feel like they have to bottle them up.

Amaka (00:36:20) - And I think that that is so important. My favorite essay in this book, which I talked about in that podcast episode, was Running Out of Gas by Sonya Renee Taylor. I think that for me personally, that was the most raw essay, and I remember reading it and closing the book and having to take a break. It was so good. The whole book was good, but that was my favorite. So and like I said, Tarana Burke has an essay in it. she was also an editor. She did this with Brené Brown because Brené Brown has devoted her life to studying vulnerability, but they decided together to put a collection of works that focus specifically on the black experience. And I think this is this was needed, you know, because. vulnerability from the perspective of a white person or a non-black person is different, is different in my opinion. I'm saying in my opinion, because I know, you know, obviously everyone can't agree, but I feel so strongly like vulnerability, feeling vulnerability, feeling shame, what you're able to do with that.

Amaka (00:37:43) - How you're able to express it. It's not the same across the board. and I feel like society gives a little bit more room to white people and, and folks that aren't black, they give a little bit more room to folks to be able to feel that a little bit more openly, feel the whole range of emotions, sadness, anger, shame. You know, they give a little bit more space to that and they give less space to black folks. And if we're even able to show that it has to be in a more private space, it has to be in a space where we know that we're safe. it's very, it's not very often that we're able to do it communally, like with other people. so I think if you want to read something that makes you feel a little less alone about how you're feeling, you know, if you want to read about folks that have gone through a lot of, you know, the same emotions that we go through as black people, but are figuring out ways to address that vulnerability in a healthy way.

Amaka (00:39:04) - I think this is a good read. I think this is a good read. It can be tough at times. but I think it plays a very important role in this whole general conversation, you know, about blackness and vulnerability and dealing with shame and and coming out of it on the other side, coming out of it in a way that is healthy and in a way that will benefit, you know, future generations. So really, really, really enjoyed this book. The next book of the year was Set Boundaries Find Peace A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by psychotherapist Nigel Glover to WAB. I recently published a three part series about this book. Still didn't even scratch the surface of everything that she discussed. I think this is a very good type of improve your daily life book, because there's always somewhere in our lives that we can improve. I believe, you know, we're not perfect, so I'm sure that folks out there can think of an area of their life when where maybe they might benefit from a little bit more boundary setting and might need some help in not being so much of a people pleaser, or need help with not pouring from an empty cup and, you know, stretching yourself a million ways with the demands in your life and being able to kind of take stock and take inventory of what you're potentially able to deprioritized so that you're able to give yourself space, give yourself more of yourself, you know, and, and put boundaries where you can.

Amaka (00:41:15) - Just like I was able to kind of shift my mindset a little bit with what happened to you, I was able to take just some everyday lessons from this book. It has different. It has boundaries when it comes to different areas of life. Boundaries with family, boundaries of friends, boundaries with work. Boundaries with social media. so it touches on big aspects of your daily life. And I don't necessarily think that the approach to setting boundaries is universal, but I think that this is a great starting point, and I think that this is just like a good book to have to refer back to because, you know, with life, you kind of life. Like I said in the beginning of the podcast, it ebbs and flows. So you might be in a place in your life where you're being really good about keeping boundaries and and keeping your cup full and not feeling drained. And then you might have another part of your life where you have to refer back to this book because you're struggling a little bit.

Amaka (00:42:42) - it helps with if you are starting from zero and you don't even know what to do. It gives you some guidance on how to start. It gives you exercise prompts so that you're able to apply the information that's in the book, and see where you can improve specific areas of your life. it has a quiz at the end where you can get a better idea of if you have rigid boundaries or porous boundaries or healthy boundaries. So I really got a lot from this book. it helped me to take a look at, you know, my life in general and see where I'm good with boundaries and see where I need to tighten up a little bit, you know, and that changes over time to your relationships with boundaries in this moment may not be your relationship with boundaries next year or five years or ten years from now, but I think what is good with this book is you're able to come back and you're able to adjust and see where things need to change. So very, very much so recommend it.

Amaka (00:43:59) - So the last book that I read this year is a reread. And if you know me, you know I don't reread books. I'm not one to reread books. I get them, I start them, I finish them, I get what I want from them, and that's it. But this is one of those books where I feel like you should read them, like, every five years. it's the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I read this book almost ten years ago when I was living in Delaware. not even a year out of school. Got my first real job living on my own first apartment. Like a lot of I read this book when a lot of firsts were happening for me in adulthood. And I'm reading it now, and I'm going to try not to get emotional because, you know, you very rarely are able to tangibly measure progress like you, you you can. But like in terms of holding a book and remembering when you read it the first time and reading the notes that I wrote when I was 22, and reading them.

Amaka (00:45:24) - Now that I'm 32, I'm seeing that a lot of my weak spots in my early 20s. I have figured out I have improved in my early 30s. And that's just that's just a testament to progress. That's just a testament to the increase in self-awareness. That is a testament to lessons, that is a testament to not being knocked down by life and experiences and just always getting up. And I'm really proud of myself. I'm so proud of myself because I'm reading these chapters. I'm. I'm reliving a little bit. I'm remembering my way of thinking when I first read this book, and I'm comparing it to my way of thinking now. And I am not the same person, and I'm not the same person in a good way. You know, be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. I feel like when I first read this book, these were new concepts to me, which you know is okay. Early 20s. You're young, you're coming out.

Amaka (00:47:01) - You know, typically everyone's journey is different. But for me, I, I embarked on similar journeys of other people going through high school, going through college, graduating, you know, getting a job, the 20s, your early 20s are a really, really delicate time, in my opinion, and you are on the journey of finding yourself and getting to know yourself and realizing who you are. And that journey continues up until you die. But I think that the 20s are like a pivotal time in that journey. And, you know, reading this book at that time was really enlightening. I'm looking at the lines that I highlighted that resonated with me then and reading it now. Some of the things that I highlighted then I highlighted now too. But there's so much more that I think just with life and the years that have come and gone that I connected with more. I'm reading my thoughts that I wrote in the margins of this book ten years ago. and I'm seeing that some of them are no longer issues for me.

Amaka (00:48:32) - And I've been able to figure them out. Which is. Could move me to tears because it's just like I'm holding in my hand a measure of progress that I've made. You know, from when I was straight out of college to, you know, my early 30s now. So I think this book, it's a good way of measuring where you are mentally at that point, I would say, I would say read it if you can, every few years, just as a reminder, because the information in it is timeless. And I think that it's always something beneficial to go back to. The reminders will always be helpful to everyday life and. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I really try hard to speak up more now. Like I really try hard to ask questions now. I really try hard not to fill the gaps in my mind of things that I'm not clear with, with stories and, you know, kind of take them as truth and run with them like, you know, not making assumptions.

Amaka (00:49:55) - I really try hard to do my best every day, knowing that my best is going to change from minute to minute and be okay with that and and be compassionate to myself about that, Like, I am a lot better now with not taking things personally. You know, with books like what happened to you? It it gets easier. You realize that a lot of what goes on around you has nothing to do with you. People are living their lives, and they're interacting with you how they know to interact with the world. You know, sometimes that changes, but at the end of the day, you are not the problem. You're not the reason why people are doing what they're doing. And when you're able to really digest that and understand that, it's freeing. So yeah, I think in terms of books that in terms of staples, if you were to build a life library. I would say so far my staples would be the Four Agreements, what happened to you? And set boundaries, find peace.

Amaka (00:51:15) - So I think I'll do I'll I'll have this be like a running theme throughout the podcast. We're going to start building our life libraries of books that have improved our life from like a bird's eye view and then books that have improved our lives, you know, day to day and everything in between. You know, books that we just enjoyed. Maybe we didn't really take huge life lessons from it, but, you know, they represent a really good time in our life. And we just enjoyed the story. I'm hoping to talk about some fiction in 2022. I know the big focus for this podcast is books that deal with improving our everyday life. But I love fiction and I just want to switch it up every so often. So I'm going to talk about fiction. Fiction can very much still offer you points of reflection that make you think about yourself. So I want to incorporate that more into the podcast. So yes, we are going to start building our life libraries. And if you have a recommendation, you know, reach out to me and let me know and I will look into it.

Amaka (00:52:52) - Perhaps I've already read it or I can put it on my reading list And I would love to learn more and share my thoughts about those books. So yeah, I guess I'm segueing out of talking about specific books, because this is the final book. Six books over the course of the year. I did majority of this reading the second half of the year when I started mulling over this idea of starting this podcast. So and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to start this podcast, because sometimes it can be hard to get myself to start reading. But knowing that I have a podcast where I talk about books, you know, it gets me going. So I did most of my reading the second half of the year and my goal for 2022 is to just double the amount of books. So I read six this year I'm going for 12 next year, which is a book a month. and that's minimum, I think. Best case scenario, I read 16 to 20. I'm really going to shoot for at least 16, but minimum I'm going to read 12.

Amaka (00:54:07) - And yeah, I'm really excited for books in 2022. I already have a few on deck that I'm going to get started with reading. I have put together a loose schedule of episodes for the next four ish months, so I'm really excited to get to reading and recording and continuing on this journey with you guys. This is episode ten that I'm recording, and I'm celebrating this milestone because I remember just thinking about starting a podcast. I remember just thinking about it. I sat on the idea for a little while, and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna buy a microphone. I did that, the microphone was in its box for like three weeks, maybe a month. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna do some YouTube research. I watched some videos on, good programmes for recording. I, watched a couple, a couple YouTube videos about how to edit a podcast, and I recorded my trailer, put that up. I recorded my journey episode to becoming an MP. Put that up.

Amaka (00:55:39) - And like, I was really kind of just taking it as it comes. Like I was trying not to get ahead of myself. And if you know me, you know I like to plan if I could. I'm laughing because I really, I really correct myself up sometimes because if I could plan this whole podcast from like the first episode to the last one I will ever record. I would. It's just me. So like embarking on this journey has given me lessons in itself. Like girl like you. Just like just one podcast at a time, one podcast at a time. One book at a time. One chapter at a time. Just get through this chapter. Just get through this page. You know, like doing this podcast has has been a tangible example of take it as it comes. Just like you cannot possibly think that you can plan everything with this podcast, you legitimately just have to go one book at a time. Okay, let's read this book. Okay, let's record this episode.

Amaka (00:56:59) - Okay? Let's edit like it's a process. It's a process, and I'm grateful for it. It's frustrating at times, but it's a reminder to me that progress is not linear. You see progress over. You see more progress over longer spans of time. But in the day to day, it doesn't feel like it. And I talked about this, I think like one of my earlier episodes. It's less helpful for me to measure progress day to day, because you'll feel like you're not getting anything done. And it's a place where if you're not careful, you can really get down on yourself. So I started measuring progress from week to week. Like I don't measure progress any more day to day. I'm like, okay, what happened this week? What progress did I make this week? What progress did I make this month? And that gives me, I think, a more realistic view of. progress and improvement and movements. Seeing movement over a period of time. So yeah, I say all this to say thank you guys so much.

Amaka (00:58:25) - I'm ending the episode here.

(00:58:27) - Thank you.

Amaka (00:58:30) - I'm going to find a way to celebrate today. Getting to episode ten here is to many, many, many more episodes of this podcast. Here is to more people finding it and more people resonating with it, and more people, you know, connecting with it and finding new books to read and gaining a life lessons from books and developing love for books like. I've been passionate about reading since I was in second grade, you know, and I've had times in my life where I'm not reading as much, but, you know, I have returned to my love. That is books and reading, and I intend to stay there. And I intend to continue sharing my love with the people that will listen. So if you enjoyed this episode, please share with anyone who you think will enjoy. Please recommend if you listen to the end. I thank you so much if you have listened to any other episode up until this point. Thank you so much. Please follow.

Amaka (00:59:45) - Please subscribe on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. if you feel moved by the content that I'm sharing in a positive way, please share. a review on Apple Podcasts. If you want to reach out to me, please do. feel free to email me at btbwpodcast@gmail.com. Again btbwpodcast@gmail.com. And here is to many, many, many, many, many more books and more conversations and more life and more enjoyment and more love in 2022. All right, guys, I'll talk to you soon.

(01:00:39) - Be well. Bye.